From Caretaker to taking care of YOU!!!

Perception…is a funny thing. This word has come up many times for me in the last few days. It is my own personal perception that can alter my mood, my feelings, and my entire day. It is interesting how quickly a false perception will create a view of my glass half empty instead of half full. As a mother, a wife, and a career woman, I am always so hard on myself. At times I can be so hard on myself that I feel that I am not doing as well as I should be. Am I a good enough mom, am I a good enough partner, am I really doing what I want to do career wise.

As a mom, I am always hoping that my decisions in raising my children are good enough. I want my kids to be secure, happy, and feel loved. At the same time, I have to draw boundaries and make decisions for them that they are not too happy about. It is during these times that I have worried that I am too hard on them…or in other times, not hard enough. Two teenagers that are entering the world of peer pressure to have sex and do drugs. It is scary out there and they are exposed to so much more than I ever was. In addition, I have two step children that I love as if they are my own flesh and blood, yet they aren’t, and so I have felt that I have to walk a thin line on how to discipline them delicately and at the same time make them aware of how much I value them in my life.

As a partner, I want my love to know that I am always here for him to love, support, and grow with, yet be my own person. As a woman, I feel that my role has always been a caretaker to a fault. It is now that I am finding that I am no good to anyone else unless I take care of myself first. Doing so has always felt selfish. So, I am being selfish. For me, I have found that it is necessary to be selfish, on a certain level, in order to truly be happy within. I have been taking time out to nurture myself emotionally, physically, and mentally and in turn finding that there is so much that I want to do to achieve my personal growth and most importantly give back to the world. That is huge!!! So here I go! I am on that track now and finding that the shift in me is actually creating a more positive atmosphere for my entire family. Lead by example and they will follow (most of the time…I am not expecting a total miracle).

How do you find balance in doing so? Our roles as women have always been to take care of others, nurture our children, and keep our families together. Now we are shifting into greater roles and wanting deeper purpose in our lives. We are like strong Oak trees that grow tall and strong with branches that reach further and further. Yet, at some point we have to feed and fertilize ourselves in order to stay strong and grow taller toward the sky.

In the process I have found myself letting go of the worries of what others think and the drama around me. It is more peaceful, yet lonely at times. When we let go of our perceptions of the past to form new ones, it is scary, yet we become free to soar. It is not an easy path to take. When we begin to shift and grow others around us can become more fearful. The ground can begin to tremble and our foundations can crack a bit. It is ok!! The tremors are normal, the cracks fill in and the ground below becomes stronger to give us a better foundation to rebuild stronger and become more stable.

The first step that I took to nurture myself was to write down the top ten things that I LOVE to do…even if I wasn’t doing them at the time. I didn’t hold back. Try it for yourself…your list could have things such as taking bubble baths, traveling, dancing, making love, having lunch with girlfriends, laughing with your kids, etc. One of mine is fine dining and drinking fine wine. Take a look at what you are doing on that list on an on going basis. If it is nothing or only a few, figure out what it will take to do one of those things this week, another next week. If it is a big thing, such as traveling, etc. then set a goal to make that happen this year. The key is to start doing more for you. There is no better time than now. You will find more fulfillment, peace, and balance in your life when you begin taking time out for you.

Step two…start doing the things you love and work towards living the life you truly want deep down inside.

One of my favorite quotes is “My life…is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

-Gilda Radner